It’s hard to believe, but every now and again I put away my brushes, step out of my nail-cave and wander around Tokyo looking for Japanese oddities. I have no weird nails to show today, but I do have some equally bizarre Kit-Kats. With all this inspiring unusualness around me, it was only a matter of time before I also turned weird(er). But it’s led to some….interesting art, so I guess today’s post will celebrate the strangeness of Japan foodstuffs.
And yes, I tried every one of these Kit-Kats so you don’t have to! Even the wretched ones.
Jasmine Tea Kit Kats. Not so bad, fakey Jasmine flavor but not inedible. 6/10.
Mango Pudding Kit Kats. The scary Cheez-Whiz color was a little off-putting, as was the bogus mango scent. Still, not awful and I acutally ate the whole thing. 6.5/10.
Plum Soda Kit Kats. OK, why not? Phony flavor, but it did taste like it was supposed to. 5.5/10.
Sakura Matcha Kit Kats, aka Cherry Blossom Green Tea. The Japanese use cherry blossoms on special sweets and for a kind of seasonal tea. They taste nothing like cherries- they taste like shiso leaf, which I don’t think is a good thing. I have no real Western taste to compare cherry blossoms to. Points for realistic flavor, even though I don’t like that flavor to begin with. 5.5/10
Royal Milk Tea Kit Kat. Yum! A delicious novelty Kit Kat?! It doesn’t really taste like milk tea- but rather the powdered Japanese version of it. There’s a kicky little aftertaste in both the real thing and the Kit-Kat that I’ve never identified- not sure if that’s good or bad, but it is distinctive. 9/10.
And here’s where things really started to turn sketchy:
“Sports Drink Flavor.” What kind of a treat is that? Kit Kats with Sports Drink Flavor? Does it have the electrolytes that plants crave? It tasted exactly like what you’d expect, which is to say hideous. One nibble of this was enough! 3.5/10
Now, here’s some candy designed by the devil himself: Apple Vinegar Kit Kats. Vinegar…chocolate….wafer…why? It smelled like dirty socks and tasted strongly of-wait for it- vinegar. I even like vinegar- I put it on my French fries and on dumplings and I cook with it, but it doesn’t belong in Kit-Kats. This is probably the worst candy I have ever eaten. Heck, it’s probably the worst candy that anyone’s ever eaten. 0/10
So there we have it. I actually had a nightmare that I ate an Asbestos flavored Kit Kat, so that tells me I need to step away from both work and Kit Kats. I was working as a transalator for an environmental engineering company at the time, and my days were filled with rockwool, asbestos, soil contamination and Kit Kats stuffed into my mouth as I worked late into the night. I do believe that Asbestos Kit Kats would be a step up from the Apple Vinegar.